French Wisdom
Free Lessons.
You're welcome.
How To Cook Like A French Chef
- 01.Buy butter.
- 02.Buy more butter.
- 03.Panic.
- 04.Add butter.
The Fucking French Biltong · Preview
A Scientific Comparison
Between Biltong and Real Food.
| Criteria | Biltong | Saucisson |
|---|---|---|
| History | Some | Too much |
| Wine compatibility | Acceptable | Religious experience |
| Can be eaten with baguette | No | Obviously |
| Makes you feel sophisticated | No | Yes |
| French approval rating | 3% | 127% |
| Invented by | Accident | Civilisation |
The Fucking French
Dictionary of
Honest Definitions
Entrepreneur
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
Person who works 18 hours a day to avoid having a boss.
Consultant
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
Person who borrows your watch to tell you the time.
Meeting
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
An event where minutes are taken and hours are lost.
Recipe
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
A suggestion. Ignore freely.
Diet
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
The period between cheese and the next cheese.
Biltong
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
Beef. Left outside. Called cuisine.
Wine pairing
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
Drinking wine with whatever is in the fridge.
Expat
n. /fʀɑ̃sɛ/
A person who left France to explain France to everyone.
Coming Soon · Vol. V
The Fucking French
in Africa
Scene 01
🌍 "We'll do it tomorrow."
🥖 "Tomorrow when?"
African: "Tomorrow." French: dies internally.
Scene 02
🌍 South African BBQ: 4 hours.
🥖 French dinner: 4 hours.
Same commitment. Different religion.
Scene 03
🌍 "It's fine."
🥖 "Define fine."
— silence —